THE LIES I BELIEVED ABOUT MYSELF
So many things have kept me drifting on waves and shadows. Reading stories, articles, features, novels, poetry, and comics shaped my lifestyle and made me believe deeply in the tyranny of my fantasies. Sometimes I wonder if they truly exist, or if they were just a juicy bait writers used to soothe our imaginations while we read.
Maybe you have believed this too, in different ways.
Growing up, I believed everyone would love me because I was smart and intelligent, perhaps a rare pearl. Reality struck in middle school when the bullying began. I started believing that the only way to keep people was to become weak and allow myself to be used.
That was the lie I told myself.
I thought friendship meant sharing everything you had: your knowledge, your time, your strength. Little did I understand that sometimes this was only a euphemistic form of exploitation, not unconditional love.
I always believed real friends would tell you when you crossed a boundary. Interestingly, I was only judged the day my flaws appeared; resented and avoided instead of understood.
People love you when you wear your best coat over the rags beneath it. But only rare people accept your rags without judgment.
Our flaws are often the only way to know who truly holds us in their forever dreams, who notices when we hide our pain, and who understands the silence between our explanations.
That is a lot, right?
Well, real people do not expect perfection. They bring you into the light of honest communication. They talk things through with you and still keep you in their forever dreams.
However, I once believed everyone was an enemy because my young mind carried my father’s warnings everywhere I went. It shaped my reasoning more than I realized.
I also believed love was defined by intensity. But slowly, I learned that consistency defines love.
When things grow quiet, your lover lifts the staff like Moses did in battle. When you are going through a hard time and need space, they ensure you are healing; not resented.
No judgment.
No sarcasm.
No blame.
Just:
“Are you alright?”
“How is your heart healing?”
“How much time do you need?”
“Remember, you still have me.”
And those words are backed by actions.
I longed for understanding, yet I lied to myself because I never truly understood myself.
I thought I had healed, but I later realized my heart was still trying to repair its cracks.
Sometimes we unconsciously lie to ourselves while allowing our peace to hang in the balance. A people-pleaser like me is no exception.
The saying “love what you have now while hoping for more” does not work for everyone. Sometimes you must accept that you do not owe anyone your time or your life.
Your life becomes beautiful the day you begin to live by importance rather than perception.
Balance your thoughts.
Balance your readings.
Balance what you allow your eyes to see.
You deserve growth.
And sometimes growth begins the day you liberate your inner child.
— Chidimma Writes
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