I Asked God to Take Him Away If He Was Not Mine

The Prayer That Ended a Love I Thought Was Right

Every year after my first breakup with Paul, a lot of things happened that reminded me of the same dating mistakes I made with him. I never believed that dating in school was trashy because I believed love could find you even at your lowest. Destiny had convinced me of that.

After Paul, I did not take a long break like many girls or women usually do after a breakup. Only three months later, I accepted to start something with a new guy I had just met.

Unfortunately, trying again was not worth it. He was worse than what I had run away from. The relationship lasted for three months and one week. After it ended, I decided to take a break that lasted three years.

It is funny how time flies. When I later calculated those years, I was amazed. With the anger I carried, I chased my dreams with great determination. I told myself there would be no more lovey dovey distractions.

Sometimes I feel we need an emotion to electrify us into reaching our goals. It could be anger or it could be love.

Three years of solitude passed with calm nights, fewer thoughts, and growing ambitions. Then I met him. The one I believed was right because of the strong intensity I felt from the beginning. The regular calls, the appreciation, and the little caring gestures made it easy to believe. I did not think twice until insecurities suddenly crept in.

Then I prayed one simple prayer. If he is not for me, please make him leave, God, no matter how much I love him.

It did not take long. God answered that prayer. Distance created space between us, and slowly I felt the heaviness leave my heart.

Love is not about intensity. It is about consistency.

Love is not about pleasure. It is about faith.

Love is patient. It is faithful. It is true. It does not grow jealous, and above all, it covers all things.

And to my lovely self, if I ever love again in a relationship, it must be wholesome and purposeful.

— Chidimma Writes

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