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 TRYING TO FIT IN

By Chidimma Placid Nwaka

Growing up as a child has been quite tough over the years because of the perceptions of people in my small environment. I was quite sensitive and my intuition was always telling me how much people feel about me and how much I needed people in my life. I used to be quiet and reserve doing my thing even when I thought I was unnoticed, and better still an introvert. My sister was the socialite and outspoken. Many people had their different perceptions of us, me being reserve and smart was good, others felt the silent ones are the dangerous ones because they barely forgive in a glimpse. Well, the second perception of me aligned with my character, I was not only the unforgiving one, but I was stingy and hot tempered.

After tons of complaints and scary stories, I began to change. My sister was the model and I tried to be like her just to fit in. She had the whole beautiful conversation, while I was less talked about.

That is life anyway, sometimes the happenings can cause you to shrink just to fit in and that was exactly what I was doing. The funny thing about this struggling me was that I became a topic for night or dinner discussions were I was scolded and condemned. The life I thought was good became my problem.

However, some people are born not villains, but parental and other factors can change one. Trying to fit in has always been my problem, making new friends and keeping a healthy circle.

It went smooth, until adult friendship changed the narrative. I shrink into different lifestyles just to fit in, but realness is not all about trying to fit in, it is about being at the right circle.

Life has built a lot of difficult walls which I have broken overtime. Sometimes, trying to fit in could keep you silent and tolerant even if the shit hits your face. But, once boundaries are set, the real people mattered even if they end up as none.


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